Page 44 - KCMAGAZINE 20230717

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He hadn’t used this corner since elementary school, and he wasn’t glad to be back.
He hadn’t used this corner since elementary school, and he wasn’t glad to be back.
The collected dust and grime itched his nose and body, but he felt like he was frozen, Chasing
The collected dust and grime itched his nose and body, but he felt like he was frozen,
rock solid and unmovable. He hasn’t felt this in a long time, this complicated,
rock solid and unmovable. He hasn’t felt this in a long time, this complicated, convoluted
convoluted feeling eating away at his stomach, his lungs, his heart. A beast in his belly
feeling eating away at his stomach, his lungs and his heart. A beast in his belly that he
that he hasn’t fed in years because he thought it was gone, but he misjudged. It was
hasn’t fed in years because he thought it was gone, but he misjudged. It was never gone,
never gone, and never will be.
and never will be. Stars

It was merely waiting for him to fall.
It was merely waiting for him to fall.

He shouldn’t have done it, he knew he shouldn’t have. He can’t explain himself, and he’s
He shouldn’t have done it, he knew he shouldn’t have. He couldn’t explain himself, and
scared, scared, scared. wanting to run and hide and never come back. Wants himself to
he was scared, too scared, wanting to run and hide and never come back. He wanted
make sense of it all, but can’t bring himself to. It’s the beast, he wants to say, but he’s not
himself to make sense of it all, but couldn’t bring himself to. “It’s the beast,” he wanted
entirely sure, and doesn’t want to be wrong again.
to say, but he wasn’t entirely sure, and didn’t want to be wrong again.
It’s crawling in him, embedding its claws into his interiors, slithering up to his throat, “Congratulations to Yiren Zhong,
clogging his airway, poisoning his mind. He feels sick, he feels the numbing in his limbs
It’s crawling in him, embedding its claws into his interiors, slithering up to his throat, for receiving – the third time in a row – the
and curls up even tighter, feeling his own erratic heartbeat.
clogging his airway, and poisoning his mind. Feeling sick, he felt the numb in his limbs Outstanding Student of the Year award! She has
and curled up even tighter, feeling his own erratic heartbeat. demonstrated great academic performance and…”
He jolts when the door opens, flinching when he sees the sharp light, and then his
mother. He doesn’t want her here now; he doesn’t want to talk to her now; he can’t. He
He jolted when the door opened, flinching when he saw the sharp light, and then his Xiao tunes the voice out. The
couldn’t possibly face his mother now, and not anymore.
mother. He didn’t want her to be there; he didn’t want to talk to he; he couldn’t. He announcements drone on and on, putting to
couldn’t possibly face his mother, not then and not anymore. words a grating, annoying list of seemingly
He hears the boards creaking when she sits on his bed, feeling the timid little pat on
his head, then the old, bony fingers combing through his hair like they used to when endless achievements that make up the girl
He heard the boards creaking when she sat on his bed, feeling the timid little pat on standing on the stage, her face lit up with joy. Xiao
he was a scared little child. He feels the arms that pull him up, sleek but warm; and her
his head, then the old, bony fingers combing through his hair like they used to when flicks another glance across the stage, then turns
long, deep breaths to calm her heartbeat.
he was a scared little child. He felt the arms that pull him up, sleek but warm; and her his attention back to his nails.
long, deep breaths, her calming heartbeat. There is nothing for him to see. Not here,
“It’ll be better. We’ll make it through.”
Image:https://www.pinterest.com/pin/674625219195865255/
“It’ll be better. We’ll make it through.” anyway.
“Okay.”

“Okay.” He steps out of the grand hall and inhales
deeply. He plugs his earbuds in, and cranks the
volume up until he can’t hear anything else.
He makes his way home.
*
His mother is staring with a curious sort
Written by of apprehension when he clicks the door close.
Her hands are folded neatly on her lap, and her
Tan Ginny posture is ramrod straight. Her gaze sends shivers

41 image:https://www.pinterest.com/pin/710583647475240492/ 42