Page 51 - KCN 2020

different after puberty struck, since my hips and shoulders grew exceptionally broad. It was every woman’s dream to have
Growing up, I’ve always had a plump figure, but it was fine as I loved to dress in pretty clothes. Things became
A Woman’s an hourglass figure, but it wasn’t the case for me. Sometimes, while walking down the street, I caught a few people scan-

ning me with their eyes, especially when I was in shorts. One may ask, why do you care? Well, everyone is sensitive about
something, and I’d say I’m sensitive about my physique. That insecurity has been haunting me for a long time, which made
me dislike wearing shorts.

Body and I even wanted to reject at first. It was my last year of high school, so I thought, why not?
“Party? Of course!” I was surprised when my friend had asked me. It took me a minute to believe that I was invited,

After digging through a pile of shirts, I put on a white T-shirt and stared at the mirror. It looked per-

fect, but my jeans seemed dull. I didn’t own a pretty skirt nor a dress, only a pair of shorts. Reluctantly, I
tried them on. Though my skin was tortured from the tightness of them, I did look pretty good. Oh well, I
SOPHIA NG SZU FEI thought, everything beautiful comes at a price. Donning a white jacket, I was prepared to go out for the night.
“Taman Pertama, Taman Pertama...” I muttered on the train. My eyes sparkled as they watched the sky. The build-
ings pierced through the evening sky, shimmering in its warm glow. I snapped a picture of this scene, to remind my future
self of my first party. Covering my legs with my white jacket, I casually scrolled through Facebook as I screamed internally
in excitement.
“Hi, is it okay for me to sit here?” a voice asked politely. A middle-aged man with a limp stood near the seat beside
me. He was carrying a bulky bag and a red bottle. “Yes, of course.” I replied. Adjusting my bag, I moved aside to give him
more space in this crowded train. He smelled strongly of herbal medicine, so I thought he must have been seriously injured.
I looked at his ragged clothes and felt sorry for him.

After he sat down, he dozed off until he coughed, then placed his right hand close to me. I felt uncomfortable and
gasped in disgust, but then I thought that he needed the movement to alleviate the pain. Regretting my reckless reaction, I
squeezed myself closer to the wall, giving him more space.

Suddenly, the train halted. His arms and legs pressed on my side as he grabbed my shoulder during the thrust
forward. His hands also slid down my arms. It was horrifying. Looking around, people avoided eye contact with me.
I jerked my arm away, and our eyes met.

“ Sorry, I didn’t mean to,” He adjusted himself while moving away. I forced a smile and said it was okay,
but my body wanted to run away. Instead, I remained where I was, my mind telling me it was just an accident.
The tingling sensation was terrifying as I consciously distanced myself from him. I thought of my outfit. Was it too
revealing? He stayed there as if nothing had happened while I leaned tightly against the wall, rejecting any form
of contact. Replacing my white jacket securely on my lap, my heart thumping along with the rhythm of the train.

Another cloud rolled in, blotting out the last of the twilight sky, as if the darkness had failed to
come fast enough. He was getting ready to leave at the next station. I used every inch of my muscles to avoid any contact.
A sense of relief overwhelmed me as he stood up and left.

Then, he tripped over and forcibly grabbed my legs to hold himself. His strong grasp pressured
my shin and thigh. I was lost for words, my mouth half hanging. Shooting up from my seat, I stood aside
and watched other passengers lifting him up. Some even looked at me apologetically, but no one offered to
help. Scurrying, I tied it around my waist, then bursted in tears with my face covered in a dimmed corner.

The man seemed nice, and his injuries made him appear innocent, so I was left to suffer.

Once I got home, I threw away the shorts. Now, I shudder with the thought of feeling his rough hands
again. I feel a sense of grave danger every time I take a train, or seeing someone similar to him. Whenever I find
myself in a shopping mall, I gulp when I see shorts. I constantly tell myself to dress as ugly as I could to attract less attention.
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47 47 He didn’t give me an apology, but left a permanent scar instead.