Page 84 - KCN 2020

FADING COLOURS
Thian Yi-Ming
Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, violet, indigo...
Michelle was tucked in a corner of her dim room, illuminated only by
the faint lamplight under her door. In her eyes, all the colours which once adorned
her room were now a dull gray.
She was one of the star students in her class, passing her exams with
flying colours. Her stellar conduct granted her the well earned position of
president in her multiple extra-curricular activities. She never failed to make her
teachers and parents proud. Well, in the past, anyway.
Her first visit to an art gallery was the soil that cultivated her budding
fascination in art. A multitude of extravagant paintings staring down at her
from white marble walls left her dumbstruck.
The artists’ emotions are embedded in an alluring mixture of hues on
the canvas! What a bold use of expressive colours!
One day she was an ordinary student trying to excel in her studies. The next,
she was intrigued by the fascinating world of art.
Since then, she continuously honed her own skills in art, armed with numer-
ous brushes and trays of watercolour paints. Gradually, like a butterfly moulting
from its cocoon, Michelle learned from scratch the techniques and skills required
to create a beautiful piece of art— perspective, foreshortening, and the blending of
colours. It was then that she realized that in her glorious past, when she spent her school
years amassing gold and silver to collect dust atop her shelves, she never had a sense of
satisfaction or accomplishment, only bottomless hunger. But now, she felt free,
her pent-up feelings and frustrations all expressed through the tip of
her brush.
Even so, her family had voiced their dissatisfaction of her pursuing a future in
art, claiming that such a path held no way of success. It wasn’t just them— plenty of
her older relatives had expressed disappointment and doubt over her choice of career.
They constantly made subtle remarks about the harsh road Michelle would have to
trudge through if she wished to continue. Despite having many conservative ideals
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being thrown at her, Michelle tried to keep her head high and smile through it all,
as if it were just a passing gust of breeze.
Despite playing it cool, the miniscule scars continued to widen. Having being
constantly reminded of the unpleasant things in store for her slowly but surely took its
toll. Michelle became more and more anxious. She started to question her own decision.
She clenched her sketchbook tightly until her knuckles hurt, the paper
crinkling beneath her grip.
The exam finals were staring her in the face. If she didn’t put in enough effort
to hone her skills, she’d be left in the dust far behind the already fearsome competition
in the art industry. Failing before even setting foot into the industry wouldn’t be an
option for Michelle, not when she had already come this far.
She desperately grabbed her brushes and tried to calm herself down by painting,
but her mind conveyed her anxiety through her brush and onto the canvas.
Nothing came out, nothing right at least. Her frantic strokes reflected the current
state of her mind, messy and conflicting.
Michelle struggled to rediscover her real identity. Was she to continue soldier-
ing on the harsh, risky path to become an artist, whom might not even be noticed? Or
was she to shed her past efforts and start anew as a student who focused solely on achiev-
ing credits and joining the ever growing crowd of future engineers and accountants?
Which was more important, facing the stigma attatched to her by this conservative
and unimaginative society just to be herself, or murder her own aspirations to fit into
society’s mould?
The impact of the sketchbook she flung towards the wall reverberated throughout
the room.
What gives them the authority to decide my future path for me? What lets them
mark the art industry as the path to poverty? What allows them to label others as a failure?
Michelle’s breathing got heavy, as if lead had filled her lungs and was
drowning her.
Calm down, Michelle thought to herself. Just picture the colours blending
together in harmony. That always puts me at ease.
Red, orange, yellow, red, red......
Red.
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