Page 105 - 2023 eMag Final Draft

Her mind raced, plunging through The notes stumbled over each other Click.
her memories. She listened to every note, sloppily, and then, a soft giggle. It hurt. It hurt so much. The silence felt wrong, but listening to this felt even more
she drummed the beat on her fingers, she “Oh? Did you slip-up?” so. As if there was nothing she could be comfortable with. And this cassette player had

tried to see, tried to analyse — what did it Another soft giggle rang through the ruined her very being, shaken her to her core.
mean? speakers, distorted and high-pitched. Ah, her eyes watered, perhaps from the dust. She quickly blinked the tears away.
It was a simple song. There was no And it hit her. Oh, that was me. Did her father keep this as a memory for himself? Or did he know his time was
personal interpretation, it was played She carefully sat on the ground, her limited, and intended for her to find this? Was this an apology? Or was it a gentle

exactly as it should be. Simple, beginner. eyes shining with something she didn’t reminder?
There was nothing. Why was there quite understand. She didn’t know, she would never know.
nothing? Why? It had been so long since she had “As long as you’re happy.” Her lips quirked up in a bitter smile, and she silently
She had come back home, she had played this piece since she had just started shook her head.

helped pack and tidy things up, she had learning the guitar, she had forgotten. And Was she happy?
cried silently, she had not been able to how — ah, was she always this cheerful? It She didn’t really know. She could see she wasn’t, before this. But now.
sleep for days. She kept wondering, kept felt wrong. Ah, she didn’t know.
thinking, what do you want me to do now? She felt disconnected from this Click.

What do you want me to do now?! person, who giggled so carefreely at her She let out a shaky breath, then stood up to leave the room.
She tried, she constantly tried. And mistakes, lacking heat and scorn.
when she tried her hardest, she made it. Click.
She made it to the top, she made it and she And then the room fell back into

was successful, and she was on her road silence.
to winning at life. So, what did her father She laughed softly, and it came out
want? wrong, as if it had been rusted by grief and
Why was it that whenever she tried fear.

so hard to please him, all he would do Really, really. She wanted to go back
was nod, he’d smile, the edges of his eyes to that carefree, happy, childish self. She
crinkling softly, and say, oh so sweetly and did. But she couldn’t, she couldn’t because
cruelly, “As long as you’re happy.” she had grown up, and realised she couldn’t

Why did it feel like it was never keep making mistakes, that — what?
enough? Why?
The music felt like mockery to her Why not?
ears, it was a joke. Her father knew how When?

hard she tried at things, didn’t he?! Didn’t When did she stop laughing at her
he know how long she spent practising, all mistakes? When did she start looking at
for him, always for him. music as something to be mastered, rather
This — than to be enjoyed? When was it, that her

This cassette player she had known father started saying, “As long as you’re
he liked to keep in his basement. She had happy.” As if, as if he blamed himself for
never touched it. And now, she had played pushing her so hard. As if he knew, he
in hopes he left, what? Something? A knew before she did that she didn’t enjoy

message? Telling her, he was proud? music anymore.
Why did it never feel like enough? She hesitated, then pressed the play
Why such an elementary piece? button again.
104 105