Jointly reported by:
Ng Yi Phin JR2Z(2)
Lim Shin JR2S(2)
Grace Low Shing Wei Sr2ScA

On the 9th of April 2022, the Counselling Department organised an online talk for Junior Middle 1 students and their parents. The talk mainly consisted of how to help the parents cope with the struggles when their children entered secondary school during the current pandemic. Approximately 350 Junior Middle 1 students alongside their parents attended the talk. The talk began at 1 in the afternoon and lasted for an hour and a half.

The talk was hosted by Mr. Tan Yong Chin, who is the Head of the Counselling Department. He started off with an ice-breaking session to bond the students and their parents together. The game required 4 pieces of paper and the students as well as the parents needed to lift them up if they agreed to the questions. Before starting the game, Mr.Tan told the parents to not feel offended by their children’s answers, and the same to the students, because it is their choice and they have to respect what others think.

The game started off with a question asking about how the students and parents felt about the current pandemic that was going on. After that, he began to talk about the struggles he had faced due to the pandemic. He also talked about the struggles that many students, teachers and parents faced during the online classes. Students mostly face this issue in which they are easily tempted by their phone or electronic devices during an online class and mostly will lose attention. Mr. Tan then suggested that if they want to settle a problem, they shouldn’t just focus on the problem itself. Instead, they should look back at past experiences and figure out what they did last time that led them to success.

Survivorship bias

Regarding this issue, Mr. Tan explained that parents are actually concerned about the content their children are exploring when they play with their phone without them knowing whether the content is safe for their age. Mr. Tan suggested students to come out of their room and talk to their parents to gain their parents’ attention. By that, parents won’t be that worried and thus won’t stop them from touching the phone again.

Mr. Tan also asked parents and their children at what age their relationship was the closest. Most students claimed that it was when they were in Standards 4-6, when MCO was announced by the government as they had more time to spend with their parents. More communication, and thus strengthened their family bond. On the other hand, parents claimed that their relationship was the closest when the kids were still in kindergarten.

Mr Tan suggested that families could do activities that they used to do in the past or create new activities that they could both do together to build up their bonds. Overall, Mr. Tan concluded that accompaniment is crucial and communication is an effective way to solve problems raised in a family, provided that a harmonious relationship has been built within the family.

Essentials of Communication

Besides, we need to help with house chores because our involvement will definitely lighten their burden. A study showed that 80% of the successful people actually did house chores when they were young.

We can also implement the love bank system into the family where we put love coins into the piggy bank when we have done something valuable and have made each other happy. For instance, talking together, involving in an activity together and helping each other with their work, these add points to our love bank. However, if the parents scold their children, this contributes to a negative point to the love bank.

Moving on, Mr. Tan discussed the differences between primary and secondary schools. The students claimed that in primary schools, they didn’t have to wake up so early to school. They also didn’t have exams in primary schools, but they are now facing loads of quizzes and class tests after entering Kuen Cheng.

The first tip Mr. Tan provided – to give themselves some time to adapt to the new environment. He admitted that secondary school is often tougher than primary school, generally they will need three months to get used to it. Always be optimistic about it and gradually they will catch up. Next, they should always say some encouraging words to boost their confidence. They could also be open to all new things. Always look at other people’s strengths instead of focusing on their flaws, and help their friends when they are facing difficulties. Also respect all the teachers and keep a positive attitude towards them. Last but not least is to share their happiness and stress with their family or seek help from their teachers. They are both experienced adults in life and are able to help them.

Then, Mr. Tan collected their opinions about their current feelings when facing their parents or children. After that, he explained that teenagers tend to become more emotional at the age of 13-14 due to brain development and hormone swings. Their family and environment are also one of the factors that affect their behaviour.

Thermometer about current feelings

After that there was another question – a 5-year-old child wanted to eat chocolates, but for his own health he could only eat two, what do you think he would do? There were interesting answers from a student and his parent. The student chose to put all the chocolates on the table, believing the child wouldn’t eat more than two, because he thought that a good parent would do so, and the child would get to eat more chocolates if he wanted more. Meanwhile, his parent would just give the child two chocolates, allowing him to arrange his own time. Participants answered the question from two different views, allowing them to share their ideas and understand them.

Next, Mr. Tan talked about a case from several years ago. A male student was addicted to video games, and didn’t eat or sleep much. To add insult to injury, he would throw a tantrum whenever the wi-fi was turned off, so his parents accompanied him to Mr. Tan’s office to have a talk. Mr. Tan realised not only the student had black eyes, but his father too, as he was waiting for his child to finish playing the video games then only turning off the wi-fi. However, the child took all his parents’ sacrifices and patience for granted. Mr. Tan reminded the student that all his gaming equipment and wi-fi were prepared by his parents, using all their money and time, and the student who just realised it nodded his head. Therefore, Mr. Tan told the student that his parents also had the right to restrict his gaming time. After several negotiations, the case was finally settled.

Computer game addiction case

Mr. Tan asked a question regarding the case – what do they think the student actually needs? Is it being doted on? Guided? Or controlled? Most of the students and parents chose guidance, and Mr. Tan said that it was the right choice. This is because being doted on will cause the student to be weak and not skilled, while being controlled will make him inactive and have a hard time in making choices. Therefore, if the student is cared for and guided, he will be active and confident in everything he does.

Mr. Tan went on to explain teenagers’ brain development. Teenagers’ emotional part in their brain is five times more active compared to their thinking part of the brain, which develops fully only when they reach 21. This will make them usually reckless, emotional and seek pleasure instead of bearing pain. So, parents should find a balance between setting the rules and preserving the relationship with their children. Mr. Tan’s advice for the parents is to be honest, care for their child and set a good example. Meanwhile, students should care for their family members’ feelings too, try not to avoid their parents and control their feelings, staying calm whenever anything happens.

Teenagers’ brain development

Advice for parents and students

Lastly, Mr. Tan shared a story of him and his daughter, with some adorable photos in the slideshow. He didn’t meet his daughter for two weeks due to the Movement Control Order (MCO), and his daughter was extremely excited and happy, waiting for him to come home before eating dinner. She was smiling throughout the whole meal with her beloved father. Mr. Tan used this story to remind participants that they were once very close too, why not preserve the bond? He hoped that everyone would stay together and live happily. To end the talk, Mr. Tan thanked the Junior Middle 1 students and their parents for participating in the talk and for their attention. We do hope that the participants have learnt a lot through this talk.

Mr. Tan and his daughter